"Why Am I So Uptight?" - 3 Reasons and 3 Solutions
Have you ever stopped mid-day, realized you’ve been clenching your jaw, and wondered, "Why am I so uptight?"
Feeling constantly on edge, practically wearing your shoulders as earrings, is no way to live life. The good news? There are some reasons why you might be so uptight. There’s also something that can be done about it.
But first, lets define uptight and get super clear about what it means to be uptight. Our good friends at Oxford Languages define uptight as: anxious or angry in a tense and overly controlled way.
I’m Halle Thomas, an anxiety therapist for adults who are ready to boot anxiety out of their professional lives (and preferably their personal lives too). I know what it’s like to be uptight and wonder why you can’t just relax. In my practice, I work with other anxious millennials who have found relief by understanding why they’re so uptight, leading them to let go a bit.
Signs You Might Be Uptight
Here’s a quick list of questions you can reflect on to see if this matches your experience of yourself (or feedback you’ve received from other people):
Constant worry: Do you find yourself only picturing things going wrong?
Fear of failure: Does the fear of making a mistake hold you back from trying new things?
Need for order: Do you get upset in a way that feels like it doesn’t match the situation when something doesn’t go as planned?
Physical symptoms: Do you experience headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or sleep disruptions?
If any of this feels familiar to you, I’d recommend that you keep reading.
Is Being Uptight a Bad Thing?
On the surface, no. Being uptight isn’t a bad thing and you’re not a bad person for being this way. That said, the reasons behind why you’re so uptight might be a little less savory. I’ll explain.
3 Reasons Why You Might be So Uptight
Reason #1: Unaddressed Anxiety Can Lead into Being Uptight
One reason you might be uptight is because of, you guessed it, anxiety. Anxiety can do a few things, namely making us feel tense, stressed, and jumpy for seemingly no reason. It might also show up as constant worry, a fear of failure, or a general feeling of unease.
Think about it: when you're anxious, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Your internal alarm system is on high alert, constantly scanning for threats and sometimes going off haphazardly. This can show up as physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweaty palms, and tight muscles – all of which contribute to that uptight feeling.
Reason #2: Perfectionism, a Close Friend of Anxiety, Might Also Make You Feel Uptight
Perfectionism. You know it, you loathe it, but it’s also hard to let go of. You probably recognize it as that voice that says, "Shoulda done better," or "This isn't good enough." But for some, that voice becomes a constant, nagging stream of self-criticism, pushing them to believe that unrealistic standards are the only way they’ll achieve any worth.
Trying to be perfect can be exhausting. It keeps you constantly on edge, worried about messing up, or not being good enough. You become so focused on flawless execution that you forget there are other aspects of life that are important to you too.
Reason #3: You Try to Control Things to Make Life More Predictable
When you’re uptight, it might also be related to your relationship with control, but it doesn’t stop there. When you try to control things, it’s usually because you’re trying to make life more predictable and organized. The desire for structure and predictability is understandable. This desire can backfire though when your drive for control leads to you panicking, or even lashing out at other people, when something doesn’t go exactly how you envisioned.
How to Stop Being So Serious and Uptight
Tip #1: Acknowledge Your Anxiety:
Sometimes the first step is to acknowledge that you are, in fact, anxious. At it’s best, anxiety helps to keep you safe.
In situations where you’re uptight however, anxiety may be operating in overdrive. Practicing these calming phrases can be a good place to start acknowledging your anxiety.
Tip #2 Challenge Perfectionism:
Where did you learn that you need to be perfect 24/7? Take some time to consider this question.
You may be surprised to learn that the drive to be perfect may have been passed to you from a parent, caregiver, coach, or other authority figure in your life.
To stop being so serious and uptight, you may need to talk back to that voice in your head that says you’re not doing enough.
Tip #3 Get Professional Support:
If you’re located in either Colorado or Oregon, you can reach out to me for a free intro call for anxiety therapy. Together, we can start addressing the factors that led to you being uptight in the first place.
I’ll teach you different body-based (aka somatic) practices that you can use to manage your anxiety in the moment. I’ll also help you to understand how anxiety functions so that you can get set up with solutions that will help you on a longterm basis.
Remember, you're not alone in this. Being uptight is usually an indicator of something deeper going on, like unaddressed anxiety. By understanding the potential causes of your uptightness and using some of these strategies, you can begin to let go a bit and experience life in a new way.
Hi! I’m Halle, an Anxiety Therapist in Colorado and Oregon.
I work with adults who are tired of anxiety ruling their lives. You can work with me in either 1:1 weekly therapy, or in a therapy intensive.
If you live in either Colorado or Oregon, I’d love to work with you. Book your free intro call to get started!
